#1
INSIDER STORY

HOLLYWOOD NEWSFLASH: It's official, actor Richard Gere has signed on for the starring role in the new Mothman film.

According to an industry insider, Julia Roberts is being considered for the part of Moth Woman, while Haley Joel Osment is in line to play Moth Boy.

"For Moth Girl," the insider confided during an interview at his posh Burbank office, "currently it's a tossup between Hallie Eisenberg and Britney Spears. In case they want some musical numbers. Or dancing.

"Sure, Eisenberg can sing," the insider conceded of the diminutive Pepsi pitchperson. "But Britney has that major crowd appeal. She's a teen idol. Also there's the question of whether little Hallie could wear the Moth costume, with those big wings dragging on the ground and all."


#2
STRIKE UP THE BAND!

HOLLYWOOD NEWSFLASH: The verdict's in, the Moth family saga will be a big, full-blown Hollywood musical. Tinseltown legend Busby Berkeley, reincarnated as a clone by UCLA geneticists, will be in charge of the dance sequences.

"I guess Busby's reappearance comes as rather a surprise," a researcher was quoted as saying about the vintage film pioneer best known for his uniquely extravagant, kaleidoscopic choreography. "But back when we 'started' him people's attitudes were different. Now that the lad's approaching legal age--he turned sixteen last Tuesday; we threw a big party!--it seemed like a good time to trot him out."

In an added development, the new Berkeley shocked and scandalized all movieland by demanding the return of inheritances dished out by the original's estate upon his demise a quarter century ago.

"I'm not dead anymore," the teenager chirped during a news conference at the test tube festooned lab where he spent his formative years. "I want it all back!"


#3
TEMPESTUOUS TALENTS

ON LOCATION NEAR WEST VIRGINIA: Upset over the purloining of his favorite costume designer, the much sought-after Jean-Pea Serault-Serault-Serault, Dom De Louise ran amuck on the Moth set yesterday.

"It was our first day of shooting," a shaken prop assistant recalled. "We were just setting up when Dom burst in. He was like a wild bull!"

"Jean's supposed to be with me!" the usually affable comic actor stormed during a brief struggle with studio security guards. "I have to play a giant pumpkin in Morocco!"

"Oui!" Jean-Pea tisked afterward. "It's always the same with Dom. Pumpkins, leeks. Turnovers. But the moth wings," he enthused, "they are so large yet must remain delicate. Otherwise the wearer, she falls over."

The master costumer dribbled his fingers across the tabletop until they collapsed with an illustrative flomp.

"Mothman! Mothman! Mothman!" Serault-Serault-Serault cried. "This is the job Jean-Pea was born for!"


#4
TROUBLE AMONG THE LOCALS

ON LOCATION NEAR WEST VIRGINIA: Local songsters sue movie over name rights.

"WE are The Moth Family," asserts O. Wendell Moth, fiery patriarch of the locally well-known gospel quartet whose new CD, "Gitcher Wings On!" is due out shortly. "'The Moth Family Singers.' I, Juny-May, Avis-Jane and Bubby. Moth's our actual name!"

Meanwhile on the set, world-renowned director Woody Allen, brought in to punch up the closely guarded and rumoredly struggling production with his artistic expertise and sensitivity, reportedly bested leading man Richard Gere in a fistfight.

"They were arguing," a stagehand confirmed of the two tinseltown titans. The altercation then appeared to quell. But when Gere looked away, Allen blindsided the Hollywood heartthrob with a flurry of punishing blows.


#5
A PROBLEMATIC PREVIEW

ON LOCATION NEAR WEST VIRGINIA: Local movie extra Raymond "Spikey" Mellon has been arrested for selling stolen footage of the Moth film to the tabloids.

A total of two clips were recovered by authorities. The first one opens with Spikey sprawled on the steps of the White House.

"Look out, Mr. President!" the troubled young actor screams convincingly. The camera pans panicking crowds. Then it swings upward to find Rodney Dangerfield, arrayed as Grandpa Moth, broad-winged progenitor of the frightening yet nimble-footed clan of musically-inclined monstrosities, plummeting from the sky with an evil grin.

In the next clip, no doubt destined for the obligatory "Director's Cut" video version, Mr. Dangerfield adds commentary:

"I'm proud of my work in this film," the perennial funnyman says with uncharacteristic seriousness. "I'd like to see the moth people win."


#6
NEW DIRECTIONS, NEW DREAMS

NEWSFLASH HOLLYWOOD: Plagued by problems from within and without, the much anticipated Moth Family epic now seems doomed.

"We're ready to scrap the entire idea of a feature-length film concept," a court-appointed mogul for the bankrupt production recently divulged. "Especially as a musical."

But all is not lost. According to the mogul, hopes are high of placing a modified version on PBS as an after school special. The mini-series would revolve around the often excoriating but ultimately redeeming experiences of an introverted teenage half-moth coming of age in a backward West Virginia town.

"Every week the family could do something different, something moth-like," the mogul pitched. "Flying neighbors out of a burning house, etc. You know, things only a moth could do."

The mogul peered out his penthouse window into the deep Los Angeles haze below. "The possibilities are really endless..."

The End